| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|03:28 pm] |
for the past two months that i`ve been grounded on & off, i`ve done a lot of thinking.
it`s come down to this.
if i need you, i will find a way to make things work out.
it hurts bad at first, but eventually you get over it.
a person who only talks to you when they want to isn`t your friend.
people being nonconsistant plays with your emotions.
when you lie, you ALWAYS get caught.
things change.
people that you thought of as your best friends can become strangers.
sometimes not talking is better than talking.
just for future reference.
if i`m ever passing out around you.
don`t tell me to stand up, lie me on the ground.
marvin says i cry too much.
i`d rather have someone not talk to me than only talk to me sometimes.
♥ |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|09:15 pm] |
|
I NEED CONSISTANCY IN MY LIFE. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|10:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | should have known;bleed the dream. | ] |
what`s the point of lying about shit.
when it`s just going to all come out in the end.
last night was spent regretting & being upset.
& wondering what someone wanted to say to me.
the snow is depressing.
everyone`s drifting away from me.
& it`s like i can`t reach them no matter how far i stretch my arms.
i can`t believe things turned out how they did.
some are good, some are bad.
but it just shocks me either way.
:[.
i need a hug real bad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|11:45 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Soco Amaretto Lime | ] |
i`m happy.
i truly am happy.
my armpits are burned.
& i feel so happy.
:D.
i`m so glad that we`re back to normal. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2006|08:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing New;Ashlee Simpson. | ] |
i can only be myself, i`m sorry that`s hell for you.
i only have one thing to get out of me. i know that i should be upset, i should have cried, i don`t know why i didn`t. i wasn`t even sad about it, just confused & angry. it kind of was just something that i wasn`t expecting, it seemed like a bad dream for a minute. but i guess that it`s better like this anyway. i know that it is. i feel good. i`m just upset about the fact that it went on for so long, when i knew i should have stopped it. & i knew that i should have told the truth about one thing, but i never did. i remember thinking one day that it`s a hurt or get hurt situation, but me being me, i didn`t want to hurt someone else. so i was going to end up being the one getting hurt. but, it doesn`t hurt. i feel refreshed. i`ll miss you, but it`s better this way. if not permanently, at least for now. thank you for doing what had to be done.
woot.
Rockstarsheart: and my teacher is my friends dad
MAKE US HIP xx: :-\
MAKE US HIP xx: my boyfriend is your dad?
Rockstarsheart: no
Rockstarsheart: my friend
Rockstarsheart: has a dad
Rockstarsheart: that is my teacher
MAKE US HIP xx: oh. well..your mom..has a dad..that is my mom..
Rockstarsheart: im starting my colage today
MAKE US HIP xx: WHY DO YOU DO THAT.
MAKE US HIP xx: RGRGRGGRGRGRRRR!
Rockstarsheart: cuz i hate wen u act stupid so like on a constant basis so instead of me acting up about it and stuff cuz i no i do that sometimes i just ignor u and continue the convo
MAKE US HIP xx: but you KNOW that i`m going to say something else stupid.
Rockstarsheart: and u nooo that im just gonna ingor u
MAKE US HIP xx: lmao.
i love jasmine alexandria lewis.
kthnxcoolbye.
comments are nice.
ps. JC is thee cutest boy in the world. :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|11:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Alamo Is No Place To Go Dancing;The Scene Aesthetic. | ] |
counting all of the hours i`ve spent here drowning in all of your lies, dear.
well yesterday i went out to dinner with sarah.
that was fun.
& then we went back to her house after.
we both fell asleep on her bed by like 1030 lol.
it was pretty sad.
lately all i`ve been eating is granola bars.
freaking freak.
& i`ve been going crazy with crunches & leg shit.
fucking aerobics start monday.
mmm<3.
idk.
i don`t have anything to say.
i probably won`t be allowed on here for a while anyway.
psh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|01:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tie Her Down; Senses Fail | ] |
TELL ME YOUR FANTASIES;I`LL MAKE YOU BELIEVE THAT I REALLY CARE.
So, alright.
I`ve been doing some thinking. & ever since Jasmine told me that i`m turning into a whore, i`ve been trying to change. because i realize, that she is somewhat correct. even though i hate to admit that i was wrong, i was. & i`ve done some bad things that i didn`t even feel bad about for one second. & i hate to admit that, but i honestly didn`t feel bad AT ALL. yeah i`m definitely going to hell. but anyway, i`m gonna try & change. :]
i miss drew. i miss megan. i miss how things were in the summer. i miss the conversations, the fun, everything. i can`t wait for summer.
on another, lower note..midterms. i`m so scared. i`m going to bomb my chem one. i know that for sure. the others might be good though, except for geometry.
I`ve been hoping & praying for a single way to show you what i`m all about.
when this is over, & done with, & we walk away, there should be no doubts.
hmm. today i`m going to the mall. mmm subs<3. i need to do the chem study guide thing. but i don`t really want to. but it is 10% for my chem midterm. so i guess i should.
i`m not as confident about some things as i was before. i`m not sure why, but i have a feeling that there has been some lying going on.
random. but.
on saturday me & lindsay got paid 10$ to makeout for 5 seconds. fucking sweet. we bought dessert with it! :D
whatever.
done.
bye.
k comment. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hero; Mariah Carey. | ] |
hmm.
i feel so weird. like..i don`t really even know the word to explain it. i just feel out of it. i did something bad. & i feel bad for it now. but probably not as bad as i should feel. even though i think jas is mad at me for it. i don`t really get it. okay look it`s not like i`m 4 years old & i need a mom to look out for me. i appreciate you trying to help. because i know you weren`t trying to attack me & i`m not mad at you. but i can look out for myself. & trust me, if anyone tried to take me in a fight they`d lose. plus, why should i feel bad when the other person doesn`t feel bad? exactly. i shouldn`t. i know i was taught better than that but i`m sick of having to be the one that always has to make everything right. i`m going to do what i want when i want. which means taking risks. something gets fucked up, i can deal with it when it does get fucked up. but until then, i`m not going to worry about it. so neither should you. i love you to death jas.
i really wish i could have gone to megan`s on new year`s. as well as ashley`s. i miss megan so much. i feel like we`re not close anymore. i think about how we used to talk & how we talk now..& it`s just not the same. maybe things will change in the summer, when i`ll actually be able to drive & see her. i don`t know... :[.
tomorrow i`m going out with sarah & linds for sarah`s birthday. i`m excited. we always have a lot of fun when we get together, so that should be interesting.
k. so now it`s time for two of those random letters to someone.
Dear _______,
i did something bad. i can`t tell you. i want to tell you so bad but i get the feeling that you`ll get really mad at me. i feel worse about doing what i did for the way you`d react to it than i feel bad about doing it because..well because it just wasnt`t the right thing to do. if that makes any sense? i get the feeling that it doesn`t make any sense whatsoever. but i`m sorry. even though you probably have no idea that this is to you. just know that i`m sorry.
Dear _______,
i miss you so much. you don`t understand how much you affected me. i`m so scared to talk to you because i don`t know what to say. which for me, is unusual because normally i always know what to say. but when it comes to you..i just don`t know. i wish it didn`t have to happen like this, but i guess we can`t change that now. but i really wish that we could. because i still love you. & i still trust you. & i`ll always be here for you, if you ever need anyone to talk to..i`ll still be here.
ps. jas if you comment please don`t say anything in the comment giving anything away. because i don`t know who reads this. you know what i mean. thank you.
♥ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|01:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mmm. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Academy Is..;Skeptics & True Believers | ] |
never ever ever everrrr get drunk in front of your family.
even if they are the ones who give you the alcohol.
so yesterday i went to sean`s house.
& now i kind of wish i hadn`t.
it started out alright.
except for avers talking shit.
but whatever.
& then i was like "Uncle Dave can i pleaseee have a beer".
& he`s like, if you sneak one & i don`t see it, that`s fine, but i`m not going to be the one giving it to you.
& i`m like..we don`t have to tell my mom.
but he told me to wait for like an hour.
& then get one.
ahaha.
i love my uncle dave.
so anyway.
idk. it was like maybe 10.
& i was begging my aunt to let me have some vodka.
but she kept telling me no.
so mike took it upstairs, but rick came up & stole it.
then they blamed it on me. lmao. yeah, right.
but then dildog`s dad was making him drinks.
so i had some of that.
but i didn`t start feeling that for a while.
then around like maybe 11, brandon & dildog both made drinks.
so i had one.
then they made more.
so i had more.
& then it was 12, so we went outside, & my aunt had champagne.
& i`m like aunt melanie give me some.
so she gave me one.
but then i drank that one & came back for another.
& i drank three by the time the ball dropped.
then i went out & got two more.
then like..20 minutes later i went out & got one.
but it was fake shit.
so i dumped that out & poured more from the bottle.
& my mom said that was the last one i could have.
but i downed that & filled it up again.
& she was like KATE I`M SERIOUS THAT`S IT.
but when she went inside, i asked my aunt for another one.
& the bottle was empty, so she gave me hers.
but i saw another bottle so i asked her to open it.
but she gave it to mike & told him to keep it away from me.
but he went to open it & set his beer down.
so i drank that.
& then i went to take a beer in the house, but my mom told me not to.
then sean told my mom that i was asking my uncle for beer.
so she was like STOP ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT.
then i went upstairs.
& i called people..idk who i called so if i called you & said weird shit i`m sorry.
& then they were like "kate you want to get laid".
& all this shit.
& then they`re like SQUEEZE THEM TOGETHER & SAY DADDY.
wtf who says that.
& after that i can`t really remember anything.
except i remember kenny & kyle making fun of me cause i was talking weird.
& i rolled over on kenny`s leg & he`s like "she`s wasted".
but then they were all like throwing shit at me.
so i went into sean`s room & called chad.
& i got yelled at by my brother.
& drank like 4 cups of water.
then we had to leave.
& i cried like all the way home in the car.
& i remember peeing at danielle`s house.
& that`s it.
kay. so.
i.
will.
never.
drink.
again. |
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